


There Were So Many Times I Wanted To Tell You...

by xswestallen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love, POV Barry Allen, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xswestallen/pseuds/xswestallen
Summary: Summary: A few of the times Barry considered telling Iris how he felt about her and why he loves to tell her all the time now.Warning: This is so fluffy that you could jump of a cliff and this would cushion your fall.





	There Were So Many Times I Wanted To Tell You...

**Author's Note:**

> This isn’t all the times that Barry considered telling Iris. I think I would have to write a million pages if I were to detail every single one. But, here are some. I hope you enjoy. I got two anon requests for this!

When she stood up to Tony Woodward

Barry's head slammed against the locker. As he slid down to the linoleum floor, his vision went blurry and he grasped the back of his head in an attempt to ease the throbbing pain. His ears were ringing so bad that he could barely hear Tony Woodward and his friends. 

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" A high pitched voice screamed. 

A second later, Iris was kneeling beside Barry. She massaged the back of his head. "Are you ok, Barry?"

"I didn't push him that hard." Tony spat. "He's just wimpy."

Barry's vision was going back to normal. He saw that a group of kids had gathered around. Some of them looked nervous, but most of them were laughing. Tony high fived his friends.

Iris rose to her feet. "Shut up!"

That got Tony's attention.

"Oooooo" The crowd jeered.

Tony walked up to Iris. He loomed over her, but she refused to be intimidated. Barry raised his hand, trying to urge Iris not to do anything stupid. He didn't want her to get hurt too.

"You've got a problem with me?" Tony asked with a smirk.

"As a matter of fact, I do." Iris retorted. "You walk around thinking you're so tough. But deep down, you know that you're not. You're jealous of Barry and other kids like him because you know they're way smarter than you. Barry is gonna be a scientists one day and make like a million dollars and you're not. That makes you mad, so you beat him up because you're too stupid to do anything that could actually help you!"

The hallway was silent. Many kids were staring open mouthed at Iris. Tony contorted his face, obviously doing his best to think of a comeback.

"What's the matter, Tony?" Iris taunted. "Too stupid to even talk to a girl? Don't worry, you won't have to. No girl will ever want to talk to you."

Gasps from the crowd echoed. Iris helped Barry up, took his hand, and casually walked away with him.

Barry looked back and saw that everyone was still watching them in shock. He was shocked too.

"Iris, how did you do that?" He asked in amazement.

She shrugged. "I've been wanting to do it for a long time. It felt good."

"You're really brave."

"Nah. I was scared the whole time." Iris admitted.

"You were?"

"Yeah, glad you couldn't tell. But, I had to say that because I couldn't stay quiet while Tony hurt you again."

Barry looked at her with wonder. He was so lucky to have a friend so loyal and compassionate. "My dad says that's real bravery, being scared but still doing it."

"You're dad is smart."

Barry wrapped his arms around Iris and hugged her tight. "That was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you."

Iris hugged back. "Thank you for being my best friend, Barry. I know you'd do the same for me."

"I would." Barry promised. None of the bullies picked on Iris and after she humiliated Tony, there was no way they were going to try. But, if Iris was ever in trouble, Barry would be there for her. He hated the thought of her feeling the kind of pain he did after hitting that locker. He just hoped that if the time came, he'd have as much courage she did.

He was overwhelmed with how much he cared about her. When he released her from the hug, he looked at her and it was like seeing clearly for the first time. Her smile filled him with warmth. She took her hair out of the ponytail it had been in and Barry's stomach flipped as he watched it cascade down her back.  _Wow!_ Iris had always made Barry feel kind of strange, but this was a new level.

"You ready to walk home?" Iris asked.

It took a second for Barry to register what she said. "Yeah."

She held his hand again, this time it made his stomach preform an Olympic gymnastics routine. But, he thought he kind of liked it.

Barry spent the walk debating.  _Should I tell her about this? Does she feel weird too?_

Finally, Barry deiced he was going to say something about it. "Being around you makes me happy, Iris."

She smiled. "You make me happy too, Barry."

He wasn't sure if she understood what he meant, but he didn't say anything else.

 

 

When they stayed up all night on Christmas Eve

Snow fell, covering Central City in the thin sheet of a winder wonderland. The West house was filled with the aroma of sugar and gingerbread. Barry and Iris had taken advantage of Joe going to sleep early by breaking out all the cookies in the pantry and having a midnight Christmas Eve feast. It was almost 3 in the morning, but neither of them planned on sleeping anytime soon. They shared a blanket on the couch. 

"Hahaha! That's my favorite part." Iris squealed, pointing at the TV. They were watching Elf, a favorite of theirs.

Barry laughed too, more so at how much Iris laughed even though she'd seen the movie over 100 times. "Marshmallow?" He offered, leaning over the coffee table and grabbing the bag.

"I'm good."

Barry dropped a handfull into his mug of hot chocolate. "This is the best hot coco of all time." He declared.

"Thank Grandma Esther."

"It's neat that you're family has all these traditions and things passed down from generations. I wish I had that." Barry sighed.

Iris moved her hand behind him and rubbed his back. "I know Christmas is hard for you."

"I just miss my mom so much. My dad too." Barry was on the verge of tears. He hadn't realized he was holding all this emotion in until just now. "I know Christmas is just another day without them. Logically, it shouldn't be any harder than any other day."

"Emotions aren't logical." Iris told him. "It's ok if you miss them more on holidays. They're a time that families are supposed to be together, so anyone who can't be with their family will feel sad, not just you."

"I keep thinking about the last Christmas we spent together. And how, none of us knew it would be the last one."

Iris stroked Barry's hair as tears began streaming down his face.

"I hate knowing that my dad is spending Christmas in prison for something he didn't do." Barry cried. "He didn't do it, Iris. I know he didn't."

Iris held his face with her hands. She looked him dead in the eyes and said, "I believe you."

Barry looked at her in appreciation. There weren't words to describe how grateful he was to have her. She was the only one who never doubted him or called him crazy. Without her, Barry wasn't sure if he would be able to keep believing. He hugged her and cried into her shoulder. "You're the only one."

Iris comforted him for a while. When Barry stopped crying, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry I got you're shirt wet."

"It's ok. I care about you more than this shirt." Iris assured him.

Barry brought some of the dirty dishes into the kitchen. He splashed his face with water and felt calmer.

"Do you want anything from the fridge?" He called to Iris. "I'm getting more wiped cream."

"No thanks." Iris called back. 

He grabbed the canister of wiped cream and another packet of cookies. When he returned to the living room, he was in better spirits. Iris still looked serious.

"What's wrong?"

Iris shook her head. "Nothing."

Barry sighed. He kicked himself for crying and making her sad on Christmas Eve. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Bear."

He plopped down next to her on the couch. "I got upset and bummed you out. You should be happy and excited for Christmas. If it wasn't for me depressing everyone, this would be the happiest time of year."

Iris gave him a dirty look. "Is that what you think?"

 _Well, yeah_  Barry thought. He couldn't think of any other reason Iris would be unhappy.

"My mom died too. I miss her just like you miss yours." Iris whispered. "I know how much it hurts to be without your mom on Christmas."

Barry's jaw dropped. How could he have been so stupid? "I'm sorry, Iris. I- I forgot. I'm sorry."

She wiped the tears off with the back of her hand.

"Come here." Barry said. He pulled Iris into another hug. She quietly sobbed as Barry stroked her side.

"Bear?" Iris asked tentatively.

"Yeah?"

Iris didn't look at him. She clutched him tighter and mumbled against him, "Why don't you want to go to your mom's grave?"

Barry's heart sank. He didn't have a good answer for that. Every time Joe offered to take him, Barry came up with some ridiculous excuse that Joe didn't believe, but he didn't press Barry on it. 

He felt Iris holding her breath.  _Shit, she's waiting for an answer._  "I don't know." He said truthfully. "I just don't want to."

"I wish my dad would take me to see my mom's grave." Iris whimpered.

Barry felt awkward. Joe never offered to take Iris to see her mom's grave. She used to ask him too, but like Barry, Joe made excuses.

"I guess I saw it at her funeral. But, I can't remember that."

"I think your dad doesn't want to take you because he doesn't want to go. He probably misses her a lot. I know my dad misses my mom. It would be too painful for him to see your mom's grave, so he stays away to protect himself." Barry reasoned.

"I can't picture my dad needing protection."

"Everyone needs protection." Barry said.

Iris lifted her head. She looked at him with wonder.

"Did that sound wise?" He asked with a grin.

"It did." She giggled.

Seeing her smile and laugh made Barry feel so much lighter.

He loved moments like this. 

He loved her.

Barry threw caution to the wind. Before he could talk himself out of it, he said, "Iris, I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Ever since we met I've felt-"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO GOING UP AT THIS HOUR?!!?"

Barry and Iris jerked around to see Joe coming down the stairs.  _Busted._ Barry went pale.

"Santa won't show up if you're awake!" He scolded. "Get upstairs!"

Iris rolled her eyes but did as her father said. "Goodnight, Barry."

He was right behind her. "Goodnight, Iris."

 

 

When he danced with her at junior prom

"Are you having fun?" Iris asked as she joined Barry at the punch bowel.

"Yeah." He lied. The truth was, he spent most of the night sitting at a table talking to some of his friends from key club. But, he knew that Iris had worked hard on the prom committee and he wanted her to feel proud. "Great job with the the decorating. You managed to make the gym look nice. Even I didn't think that was possible!"

"Thanks." Iris laughed. She took a deep breath, folded her arms across her chest, and smiled somberly as she looked at all the happy couples on the dance floor.

Barry was heartbroken and angry on Iris's behalf. All night, he'd watched her fake the best smile she could and pretend she didn't care that her boyfriend dumped her the weekend before prom. Everyone knew how excited she was for this night. She'd been talking about it since the first day of freshman year.

Iris made the best of the situation, like she always did. She put on the long, flowy, dark red, strapless dress that she was so looking forward to wearing. She spent an hour in the bathroom working on her updo. She took pictures and danced to the upbeat songs with her friends. Still, Barry could see her disappointment and loneliness when a slow song came on.

"It looks like everyone is having a good time." Iris remarked.

"Thanks to you." Barry reminded her.

Iris shuffled her feet. "I was counting down the days till I got to wear these heels."

"You look unbelievably beautiful."

"Thanks, Barry." Her voice cracked as she spoke.

Barry desperately wished he could give Iris the night she dreamed of. Even though he'd been praying for her and her boyfriend to break up since they first got together, Barry was ready to fight this guy for making Iris unhappy. Breaking up with her would be like winning the lottery and turning it down.

The DJ played played Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. It was one of Iris's favorites. Barry saw her tense up. He put his arm around her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. She closed her eyes and gently swayed to the rhythm of the music.

Barry grabbed her by the hand. "Let's dance."

Iris smiled. "Lead the way."

They snaked through the crowd of couples till they found a spot of their own. Iris put her hands on Barry's shoulders. He put his hands on her waist. Their bodies were several awkward inches apart.

Barry tilted his head so he could rub his cheek against Iris's hand. Her sweet eyes stared into his.

"You look good too, Bear." Iris said.

Barry's heart fluttered with glee. He lifted Iris's hand above their heads, and spun her around. Iris giggled. Their bodies were less than an inch apart now. Even in her heels, Iris had to lift her head to look at Barry's face. He bowed his head down to her shoulder, the small space between them closed. Barry gasped lowly when he felt Iris press her chest to his. She traced patterns on the back of his neck. His arms wrapped around her.

Barry closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and smelled the lavender shampoo Iris used. It made him smile in pure contentment. He could stay like this forever. Iris hummed the tune of the song into Barry's ear.

This moment was perfect. It was everything Barry dreamed of. He was holding the woman of his dreams. She made feel so weak and yet so strong at the same time. He was so fucked. This wasn't a simple crush, Barry was in love with her and he knew it. He had to accept it once and for all.

His eyes opened as he considered if this was the right time to tell Iris how he felt. It seemed to be. They were holding each other, dancing. Her body molded against his. Iris said he looked good.

Barry fantasied about telling her, kissing her, and Iris telling him that prom was even better than she dreamed it would be. The optimist in him whispered what if that actually happened? You'll never get another opportunity like this. Tell her!

The song ended. This was it. Barry oped his mouth to speak, but Iris beat him to it.

"Thank you for dancing with me."

Barry smiled. "Iris, I would do anything for you." He said. She had no idea how honest he was being.

"Mmm" Iris mused as she nuzzled her head into Barry's neck. An electric wave went down Barry spine, arms, hands, and to the tips of his fingers when she blinked and her eyelashes tickled his skin.

Barry inhaled. He was going to do it. There was no going back.  _No going back_  the pessimist in him emphasized. Once Iris knew that he loved her, things would never be the same between them. If she didn't feel the same way, it would tarnish their friendship. She'd feel weird around him. They would never have another moment like this.

The thought terrified Barry. He closed his eyes again and breathed Iris in. Their friendship meant everything to Barry. Nothing, not even the possibility of being with Iris the way he always wanted, was worth the risking of losing their friendship.

A moment like this is too perfect to ruin.

 

 

When she was eating spaghetti

Going to different colleges was hard for Barry and Iris. The 200 miles between campuses felt more like a light year. They'd each made a few friends, but they still felt the loneliness of being away from one another. They called or skyped each other several times a week, usually staying up late talking for hours, much to the annoyance of their respective roommates.

During their senior year, Iris decided to visit Barry over the three day weekend for MLK day. Barry greeted her in the parking lot of his apartment building with coffee and a cronut. He showed her around the campus and played a very competitive game of bowling with her at the local bowling ally.

They got Italian takeout for dinner and ate it in Barry's apartment. His roommates had left for a party, they tried to convince Iris to go, but she repeatedly refused because she wanted to spend as much time with Barry as she could. He was thrilled because of course he would savor any second he got to spend alone with Iris. They exchanged funny stories of the shenanigans at their universities. Barry had been smiling so much all day that his cheeks hurt.

"So then," Iris swallowed a mouthful of food before continuing with her story. "The doorbell rings and it's her parents, sister, and grandparents, who all came to surprise her for her 21st birthday!"

Barry nearly choked on his food from laughing. "Oh my god!"

"She tried to pretend that the party going on was for someone else."

"That didn't work, did it?"

Iris shook her head. "Well, her grandma didn't seem to mind. She got on the dance for and killed it when Toxic played."

Barry and Iris laughed in harmony. When she got of a hold of herself, he was still in hysterics.

"See, I have the best stories. You should've come to Coast City with me. It would have been even funnier in person!"

Barry's laughter ceased. Despite her teasing tone, Barry could tell Iris was genuine. He looked at her and she looked down at her plate of spaghetti. Barry studied her face. Her typically starry eyes were dimmed. Her lips were poutier than usual. Barry reached across the table and held her hand. For a split second, her mouth curled into a pitiful smile.

"I missed you so much." Barry confessed to her. "I can't wait for Stephen in physics class to finish that teleportation device he keeps telling everyone he'll build one day."

That caused Iris to smile for real. Barry sighed in relief. When Iris was happy, he was happy. He couldn't stand to see her sad. The shine returned to her eyes. Her cheeks went slightly pink. Her hair danced around her head as laughed. Her smile revealed her one partially crooked tooth that she was insecure about but Barry found endearing. Her chest moved up and down as she caught her breath.

God, she was so pretty. Barry thought that being away from her might help him get over his hopeless crush on her. But absence only made his grow founder. He was never going to get over this. One day, he would have to tell her.

Iris twirled spaghetti around her fork. Barry licked his lips as he watched her. _Maybe this was the right time?_ He thought. _Keep it casual to avoid coming on too strong. But, what if it completely blindsided her? What if she got freaked out and went back to her college?_

Iris went to take another bite, but stopped with the fork half in her mouth when she noticed Barry's stare. "What?"

"Uh," He tired to think of a cover. "You, uh, got a little something right there." He pointed to his own chin.

Iris wiped off the nonexistent 'little something' with a napkin. "Better?" She asked with a smile.

"Perfect." Barry replied.

 

 

When he woke up from his coma

"Iris?"

"Iris, yes." Dr. Wells confirmed. "She came to see you quite often."

"She talks A LOT." Caitlin said.

"Also, she's hot." Cisco chimed in.

Barry wasn't listening to him. All he was thinking about was Iris, holding his hand as he lay unconscious on the hospital bed, talking to him and hoping he'd wake up. His imagination ran away with it.  _What if she confessed her love for him while he was unconscious?_  That happened all the time in movies. 

"I need to go." Barry informed the group.

"No, you can't!" Caitlin protested.

Dr. Wells agreed. "Caitlin's right. Now that you're awake we need to do more tests. Your still going through changes. There is so much that we don't know."

"I'm fine. Really, I feel normal." Barry insisted. "Thank you for saving my life." He hurried out of the room, but turned around when he realized he was still wearing the sweatshirt Dr. Wells gave him. Poking his head through the doorway, he asked, "Can I keep the sweatshirt?"

"Yeah, you can keep the sweatshirt."

Barry rushed out of S.T.A.R. Labs. As he made his way to Jitters, fantasies flashing through his mind of reuniting with Iris, telling her how he loves her, looking into those chocolate eyes, brushing back her silky hair, and finally kissing her pouty lips.  _Maybe, she'd be so excited to see him awake she'd just run up and kiss him without saying a word. Maybe everyone in the coffee shop would cheer as they embraced. Maybe- oh god there she is._ Barry saw her through the window. She looked as beautiful as ever.

Barry took a deep breath and moved towards the door. She was pouring coffee, but when she looked up, she noticed him. Her eyes instantly widen. He smiled from ear to ear as he entered. She seemed to be in shock. Barry stopped and waited for her to approach him since she was still with customers. He could hear her gasp from across the room. She covered her mouth in surprise. "Oh my god...."

Iris ran up to Barry and threw her arms around him. The feel of Iris hugging him made Barry's heart flutter. He lifted her up in delight.

Iris grabbed onto to his, as if she needed to touch him to be certain he was really there in front of her. "You're awake!" She looked him up at down. "Why didn't star labs call us?"

"I just woke up." Barry said.

"Should you even be on your feet?"

"Iris," Barry could tell she was worried. There was no need for that anymore. "I'm ok." He assured her.

The wonder reflecting in Iris's eyes transformed to pain. "I watched you die, Barry. You kept dying. You're heart kept stopping."

Barry was honored that she was so concerned for him. But, he hated knowing that he put her through anguish. He took her hand and placed it over his heart. "It's still beating."

Iris smiled. "It feels really fast."

 _That's because I'm with you._ Barry took a deep breath. He was going to do it. At long last, he was going to tell Iris how deeply in love with her he's always been.

But then, there's the clank of mugs and silverware. Barry looks over Iris's shoulder and see the world move in slow motion. A waitress drops her tray. Barry does a double take, freaked out by the bizarre change of vision. But, things are back to normal now. He looks at Iris again.

Her attention is on the dropped tray. "Are you ok Tracy?"

"Yeah, I got it." Tracy answers.

Barry is still trying to understand what the hell just happened when Iris beams at him. "My dad is going to be so happy to see you! Let me get my stuff. I'll be right back."

Iris walks away to grab her things from behind the counter. Once again, Barry missed the opportunity. But, it's fine. He wants to see Joe. After visiting the station, he'll have another chance to tell Iris.  _Doing it in private will be better anyway. More intimate._

Unfortunately, that opportunity doesn't come. He has to deal with the fact that his body is moving faster than he thought possible. When he goes to see her at Jitters the next day to get a kind of do-over, another chance to tell her, she's kissing Detective Thawne. 

 

 

When he woke up on their first morning after

Even though Barry didn't get to sleep till after 3 A.M., The sound of soft breathing and scent of lavender woke him up as the sun rose. Barry opened his eyes to the view of jet black hair. He lifted his head and took in the sight of Iris West, asleep in his arms. He wanted to pinch himself. For years, he dreamed of laying beside Iris in bed, but now it was actually happening.

They're second date was a rousing success. Barry had never been happier in his life. He felt like the luckiest man alive.  _She's even pretty when she's sleeping. Her skin is so soft and her body fits so perfectly into mine._

Barry's awestruck gazing at her must have woke Iris up. "Bear?" She yawned. 

He moved some of her hair that was obstructing her face. "Good morning."

Iris smiled and turned over to face him. "Good morning."

Barry looked into her eyes and licked his lips. "It's still really early." He told her.

"Why don't we sleep in?"

Barry nodded. "That sounds like a great idea." He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. Instead of releasing it, he kept it tucked against his chest.

Iris closed her eyes. Barry didn't. He wasn't interested in sleeping in. He wanted nothing more than to lay next to Iris. Just being in her presence made him so happy. He was startled when she started giggling. He'd expected she'd drifted off to sleep again.

"What?" He asked, teasingly.

Iris opened her eyes. "I just feel happy."

"I feel happy too."

He was euphoric. This was everything he'd dreamed of, but better. He reached out his hand and Iris's thigh. It was smoother than silk. They both emitted a soft sound of pleasure.

"Iris," Barry breathed.

"Huh?"

"I love you!"

"I love you."

"I love you. I love you. I love you." Barry repeated over and over. "I love you so much. You have no idea how good it feels to tell you that!"

Iris smirked. "You have no idea how good it feels to hear it."

"I'm going to tell you I love you every chance I get." Barry promised.

"I'm going to tell you too, Barry." Iris said. She held his face with her hand. Her lips puckered and gently, she brushed them against his. "I love you, Barry Allen." She whispered.

"I love you, Iris West. I always have and I always will."


End file.
